Stephen Colbert and Alan Cumming are changing their tune on billionaires, quite literally. Well, sort of. The duo teamed up to create a new song called “Billionaires Are Actually Good,” but only to try and make said billionaires go away.
During the “Late Show” on Tuesday night, Colbert teed up the moment by citing a new report from Forbes, which says that there are now more billionaires than ever. The CBS host scoffed at that statistic, wondering, “Why can’t we have more than ever of something good?”
As Colbert recalled how several billionaires were invited to Donald Trump’s 2025 inauguration and given prime seating, the late night host also wondered why simply having so much wealth isn’t enough to satisfy these people. But, he had a guess.
“The answer, I think, is simple,” he said. “As Paul McCartney famously wrote, ‘Money can’t buy me love.’ Words so true, they helped make him a billionaire. The mega-rich are clearly seeking validation to fill an emotional void, and if giving them a little attention and praise will get them out of our lives and back to their private islands shaped like their own heads, I say that’s worth a shot.”
At that, a music video began playing. The premise of the song is simple, giving it its title: “Billionaires are actually good.”
“Billionaires are better than us. They buy planes and islands and hairs,” Colbert sang. “Don’t believe me, Google it on Google, which is owned by billionaires. Fly away on your big space penis, stash all your money in a bank on Venus. They’re the best, and no one is above them. Billionaires are perfect, and I love them.”
As the song continued, “The Traitors” host Alan Cumming eventually popped up.
“My father died just in December, rocking in his favorite chair,” he sang. “His last words? I don’t remember. Who cares? He’s not a billionaire.”
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